Hey Look, A Box of Mushrooms
(Oh Glenn, is this the long awaited update to the garden situation? Are you going to fanny on to pointless levels of detail about the veg and flowers you’ve been growing?)
No, no I’m not.
What was that?
Did you just cheer then?
(No, I was just clearing my throat - *whispers behind hand* - I wasn’t really, I was actually cheering)
I can read what you just put you know.
(Fuck you, I don’t even exist. I don’t have to put up with this shit.)
Fine, piss off then.
(I will. I’m going right now)
Er, do you fancy a pint later though?
(Yeah okay, just buy the one though. I don’t exist remember. I’m just the bit of you that you talk to when no-one else is there).
I know, I miss you though and our little chats.
(Yeah, I know, me too. Seeya later big man).
I’m not going to write about the garden now. I need to write that when I’m at home (and where I usually have better things to do than scribble this shit). I do need to do it soon as it’s October now and everything will die away in the garden. I need to record what I’ve grown and to take pictures of it, partly so I can look at whether to plant it again next year but also because I’m mildly autistic and think everything should be catalogued, popped into a list and categorised. That’s important.
But not for a Friday morning when I’m at work.
I’m 34 next Wednesday. Thirty-fucking-four. Fuck.
As I grew up (you’ve grown up?) I’d often think about how I’d be 25 when the clocks ticked over into the new millennium. It always seemed so far away, I’d struggle to imagine what sort of life Glenn David Allan would be having in this futuristic age. As it turned out I spent the first moments of the year 2000 surrounded by 50000 celebrating people, yet feeling utterly detached and alone. I probably could have imagined that actually if I’d tried, it was after all just a glorified example of what almost every other NYE has been to me.
Anyway, that was over 8 years ago.
I didn’t give a shit about turning 30 and have rarely stopped to take stock of things. But this year seems different, I’m now “mid-thirties”, what should I be doing with my life?
I’m even aware that it isn’t really anything to do with turning 34 why I feel a bit restless right now, I think it’s just that I seem to be going from one phase of my life (the Indietron home improvement phase) into some uncharted waters. What do I want to do next? What should a 34 year old man do next? I’ve done a good job of ignoring my natural laziness in the last couple of years, can I do that again?
Oddly, part of the problem is that I’ve rejoined the gym. I’m finding it a lot of fun and so far have avoided avoiding it, if you know what I mean. But, it invigorates my brain and I often end the evening floating in the spa pool with a thousand different ideas and schemes running through my mind. But, what do I want to do? Which of these schemes do I think are practical, fun and worthwhile?
So, at the moment I’m just filled with the frustration of “what should we do now dumbo?” running through my head. What should I do now?
The garden is practically finished and bar for a teeny bit of painting, the crafting of a lattice structure for some clematis and the possible planting of winter Japanese onion and garlic sets, the thing is on hold till about February. It certainly won’t be the enjoyable time consumer it has been for the first 9 months of this year.
The house itself is almost complete as well. I’m gonna put up new internal doors very soon and get somebody to sort the outside fascias (hideously expensive) but it’s finished bar those jobs, most of which are to be done by professionals rather than me anyway.
My house has taken quite a bit of my time in the last year and I’m really proud of how it looks at the moment. But, alas, unless we get flooded and everything is ruined, I think 2009 will be a time of enjoying it rather than fixing it.
Other things also seem to be coming to an end.
I think I wrote about how the Indietron nights had started to become a bit of a chore, but I really enjoyed the one I did in June. Even though it tickled my interest into maybe doing some more of them I thought I’d leave it over the summer as that is when numbers drop off. I probably waited too long though so when I raised the idea again with Fraser the pub was booked up till mid November. So God knows if we’ll ever do another one. There is always the option to do one in Manchester but I know full well that if I decide to do that that I’ll have to put 100% effort in. So I’m waiting until I’m prepared to make that sort of commitment.
Indietron lives on with the radio show, which starts permanently from the 15th of October. I’m sure this will be a lot of fun but it seems a bit too far away to fully concentrate on right now. I’m sure that once I get into it that it’ll take up a lot of my time. I want to make it enjoyable and professional sounding so I’ll have a think about content, jingles, promotion, podcasts and the like next week. Yeah, I’ll make some jingles and promos next week. Ripper. I’d better have a think about possible guests as well. I have 6 shows before Christmas (I’m really excited at the fact that I’m the last show on Christmas Eve – that should be ace) so I’ll need about 8 or 9 guests I reckon.
You see, it’s not like I’m not doing anything. I have the radio show coming up and have been really busy with the house, but I’m fidgety for something more.
I’ve been making more soap but the last batch went a bit wrong and it’s knocked my enthusiasm for it a bit (as it does actually take a bit of time and money to make). I’ve also started some homebrew apple wine using the produce from a tree hanging over into my garden. The use of genuine Crofters Green apples excited me. Making your own booze is fun (well the drinking of it is) and it does provide sustenance for my creativity stomach, yet you do spend ages waiting for the yeast to do its thang. Like, I can’t actually drink this apple wine till the end of January and the demijohns won’t be free for another month. As a hobby home brewing is all about patience. I don’t have much of that so I’ll probably end up necking the yeasty goodness out of the demijohn one evening.
Should I learn an instrument? Do a course? I’m interested in both but again I feel that I should be 100% focused on something before I start doing it.
Part of me wants to do something radically different. I have a few ideas but that’s all they are at the moment. I’m not telling you what they are, I don’t want you all disappointed with me when I fail to do any of them.
So, what’s it to be?
I just don’t know.
I’ll tell you what is going to get sorted, this…
Look at that! What do you mean, what am I looking at? The end bit, the bit after 500 when the graph almost levels off.
If there is anything worse than playing a tedious and pointless game for over 4 years then it is playing the game for 4 years and not finishing it. This game needs to end! Either with me spotting the number 999 by the time I turn 35 or with my death by self-inflicted number plate wound to the head.