I haven't written here in a while have I? I told you it would happen, don't act all surprised on me. Look I’m sorry...of course I still love you, it's just that we've started to have different lives. You've been working nights....you know, you're often gone by the time I get home. Yeah, I’m sorry about that. No, no, no, look, stop over-exaggerating. Look, I’m sorry I leave my socks lying around, work has been really busy lately, I just want to come home and relax. Yes, I KNOW your work is important too. Sorry. Oh come on, you're being childish. Is the state of the bedroom really that important? Why are you bringing my weblog up now? Are you storing up all my faults? LOOK, I SAID I'M SORRY. STOP IT! OH FUCK OFF, I'M GOING OUT. I DON'T KNOW "WHERE". Yeah, I’ll take the dog...
The last couple of weeks have been quite quiet (bar Saturday nights). We haven't really gone anywhere special, a bit of shopping, a lot of sitting around. Nothing unusual.
Saturday the 19th was fun. We went out with Dave, Paul and Johnny H, first to The Sun and then onto the warehouse. I remember being really really pissed, way more than I have been for a while. I remember dancing like a spaz and I remember Dave and Marie singing Carpenters songs really loudly down Friargate.
Saturday the 26th was er, different. We both knew there was trouble in the air, there had been an open-air music event in Avenham park and it was also the last night of The Sun before re-decorating. So we both weren't surprised when they came into the pub. Now, I’ve wondered what I’d do when we inevitably ran into the scutters and I don't think I ever considered what I actually did do. I kept quiet. I didn't want to perpetuate this ridiculous myth they have that they are the righteous victims of the whole thing, OR get myself into trouble by smashing a chair leg down his throat. So I stayed mute. I didn't try to catch his eye either as then my reactions probably wouldn't have been as logical. I didn't know if I’d done the right thing then but looking at it now I think I did. Why should I bother engaging myself with people who've quite clearly shown they are not worth bothering with? Being bothered about the feelings and well-being of one of them is how this all started...
And what did she want? A big fucking hug? Fuck off!
Hmm, stop now. Last point on the matter then it's closed.
I accept that some people may want to stay neutral and "be like Switzerland" but then they should also accept that:
a) I don't understand their viewpoint.
b) I think their position on the thing is a selfish one, and they are mainly thinking about whether it "put's them out".
c) I don't believe them to be completely neutral at all.
Right, as I said, nothing has happened much lately but I'm bored so you lucky people can now read my thoughts about two things, nexus and work.
Now nexus nearly caved in last year. With everything that happened, it nearly all went wrong and blew up in acrimony and hatred. That would have been a damn shame, and I'll readily admit I was part of the problem. I can try and defend my position by stating quite correctly that all I was doing was standing up for what I believed to be right, sticking by my girlfriend and also somebody who had become a good friend. Or so I thought...
But I wasn't clever though. I should have backed away sometimes and not riled people up when it affected everybody else. Some people should just be ignored, not engaged in insults.
This is not my point though. Nexus didn't die, it came back. At first there were only a few of us on it, 95% of the edits probably came from 4 or 5 people. Yet I was on it yesterday and for probably the first time I could recall, there was over 10 people on it at one time. People have returned from the wilderness, old friends from years ago have made their way back and new users have integrated themselves well. This is all good, but it has a far better atmosphere as well. People still take the piss out of each other - probably more than ever - but it's all good-natured and nobody has taken offence at any remarks made. I've made some good friends through nexus, right back from 1993 and I still do so right till the present day. Everybody seems to be getting on, and if this helps create strong friendships in a group of really cool people, then hoorah!
Anyway, it's really good at the moment, I hope it remains this way for a long time.
I'm sorry, I can't leave you on that happy note so if you don't want me to moan on and on about work, I’d stop reading now.
Work has been boring for quite a while, the last two or three years at least. I've stuck at it though, mainly because of the fact I can't be bothered with the upheaval of getting anything else and maybe leaving the area. I think I should seriously consider this though, as the last 6 months have been the grimmest of the lot.
A little back-story first. I've been doing the fuel software on Nimrod now for the last 5 and a half years. At first there were just the two of us, this rose quite rapidly to a team of about 14. Now, I’ve always "gotten-on" well with my boss, I saw him as something of a friend. Yet over the years I’ve become the senior software engineer on the team and seen by those higher up as the second in charge.
We're getting to the stage now where teams are re-arranging and sub-contractors - of which the boss is one - will start to be moved along soon. BAe are not overly keen on having sub-contractors in charge of teams and after about four years, it's become quite clear that a change is on the way. In my appraisal in January I was told by the big boss lady that the plan was for me to take over the team. I mean, I’ve known this has been the plan for a couple of years, I've always taken it with a pinch of salt but it seemed just about "firm" enough this time that something may happen.
So I told the boss about what had been said to me. I didn't have to, not many people would, but as I say I thought of him as a friend. I wish I hadn't now. Perhaps I’m being naive about all this, but I thought that things wouldn't change between us but they so, so, so have.
I've been marginalised in lots of way that never happened before by the boss and his girlfriend - who also works in the team, this is a whole fucked-up story in itself - and it's rapidly become a team divided into two camps.
Hee hee, I was just called into a meeting as I was writing this and it was all the team leaders plus me. I could tell somebody felt uncomfortable with it.
Anyway, at first I felt quite sad that the team had fallen apart and had resorted to people having mumbled conversations and becoming overly protective of their place in the team. I can at least understand the boss’s position a bit but she -his missus- has acted like a child. It's not my fault, don't take things out on me and see me as some sort of enemy! Now, you see, I think fuck it! If they want to make an enemy out of me, try to reduce my impact on the team and undermine me, I’m not going to sit around and let it happen. I have good friends on this team and if they think I’m going to meekly take any undeserved shit off them then they are wrong. Rawr! Bollocks to 'em!