The Story Of The 30,000 Pound Car

We don't have straightforward nights out. In the past there has always been a big chance that somebody will spoil a pub/club visit by being a twat/mopey/childish etc. Nowadays we don't have this problem thankfully, yet we never follow the "few drinks in a pub-few drinks in a club and a gentle dance-all home to comfy beds scenario". Lo-and-behold but Saturday night was the antithesis of this, and the apotheosis of a night out with the nexus monkeys.
On a personal note, our last visit to The Mill a couple of weeks ago for Paul's birthday, has produced memories of dancing like an uncontrollable spazzer, posing for raunchy photos for Liam, and drinking too much booze. I noted all this down in the slightly embarrassing - not to be repeated section of my brain.
Well come Saturday night, it had all been forgotten. Paul had already ensured I'd arrive at The Mill pissed by turning up at my house with Vladivar. By the time we'd made our way there (doing zombie impressions) we'd missed the first band on of the night White Rod. The Mill was quite empty for them, which is a shame.
There seems to be a lot of bands around Preston at the moment, by-and-large they are very good. Yet unless it's a special occasion with friends, friends of friends, enemies of friends of enemies etc in attendance then they never seem to be packed out. Maybe there are too many bands, too many gigs, or people are generally apathetic about seeing a band at 8:30 on a Saturday evening, yet it seems a shame. Maybe I'm wrong but it's just something I've noticed recently.
Anyway, Dave's band were on second. It was another good gig, there were some moments when everybody stared at everybody else to make sure they knew what was happening next, yet I don't think a first time listener would have been able to tell. It was the first gig for the new temporary drummer anyway so concessions have to be given.
I'm starting to know the songs quite well after hearing them a few times, I really like 'Hit The Ground Running'. That's the Glenn favourite. I think that Dave's piano playing fits perfectly with Pete Moody's guitar.
Third on were Cheap Kojak who were fucking fantastic. They reminded me a lot of Misty's Big Adventure (nice trip into obscurity there Glenn). It was pretty ramshackle, totally non-linear but just fucking exciting. Them boys and girl are top. We all stood in a big line with stupid grins on our faces to watch them.
After that they seemed to spend a while playing pretty crap music. I suppose it did allow us to pose for Liam whilst getting a bit pissed. It also allowed us to move Dave's equipment back to my house, hee hee, Dave reversed into the bouncers van. Rather surprisingly he let us off as there was only damage to Dave's bumper.
After a while though, we started to constantly pester the DJ to play The Walkmen. He did and from then on there seemed to be a big swarm of us on the dancefloor for every song.
Jesus, I really can't dance. Sometimes I just stand screaming at Paul, as he does with me, other times I just spin and jump in an uncoordinated manner. Dammit, I hate it when I lose my inhibitions. I hurt a bit today, too much dance effort. Fuck, I was sliding on the dancefloor on my knees. The floor wasn't even slippy, it was sticky from spilt drinks. Such a dick.
It was a great night, I really enjoyed myself. Everybody seemed to have a top time. I'll cringe when Liam publishes on nexus the photo of me doing a "sexy" pose for him, yet it'll be a warm cringe.
Now that could have been it. It could just have been a standard excellent night out, but Liam went and topped it all.
I wandered outside just before the end with Marie's friend Suzi who was visiting for the weekend. Liam and Xian were already outside, up to some quality skulking. Liam then fell onto a car bonnet. Yes, he fell. Sadly, at the time of this fall, the partner of the car's owner had also wandered outside. She remonstrated with Liam and then phoned the police. I can't sum up the wonder of the next thirty minutes fully but I'd like to note down some of the key events.
- The bouncer came and got involved. He told Liam that he'd regret this in the morning, Liam said he doubted that he'd give a shit.
- The owner of the car said that if Dave didn't shut up he'd have an "accident".
- Karl tried telling Liam to run.
- The bouncer got angry with Karl and started chucking around piss-poor threats. Karl fell into kung-fu mode and started scratching his neck.
- Marie shouted at the bouncer.
- It was repeatedly mentioned that the car cost 30,000 pound.
- It became apparent that the owner of the car may be the owner of The Mill.
- The bouncer now made some threats at Paul.
- The police arrived. Not just a car but a fucking riot van as well. They put Liam in the back and took him away.
- Dave decided that I shouldn't be allowed to talk to the police so asked when we could have Liam back. After breakfast apparently.
- Somebody said that Liam had done it as he was anti-capitalist. Somebody then countered that by saying that he couldn't be an anti-capitalist as the car was British (it was a jaguar). This still makes me laugh and smile.
- Somebody tried to pull a wing mirror off the police car.

We then made it home, where talk was off busting Liam out of chokey. Paul was the ringleader of this movement, yet he abandoned the idea in favour of finding some sausages to eat. I then tried to ensure everybody got some space on which to sleep.
Early in the morning Dave and I travelled to the police station to try and get Liam back. They said he wasn't there. He turned up later that morning, apparently he'd been put in a cell overnight at Leyland police station and cautioned in the morning. I guess accidents happen when you're drunk.
I hope Suzi enjoyed the adventures, I'm glad the nexus put on such a good show.

On Friday night Dave and Liam came round for tea and drinks. Dave stared mutely at the TV and then fell asleep. Liam didn't do anything criminal.

Hope Of The States FUCKING EXCITE ME!

Oh yeah, Happy Birthday Karl!

The gents toilet at work has three urinals. Of course, to minimise the chance of anyone standing near you, the middle one remains unusable unless you're so desperate you'll happily piss surrounded by two men. So, the choice is between the two outside pisspots. Now for some reason, be it chewing gum, piss filled with sugar strings or whatever, the urinals fill rather quickly. If you piss at full force with the cleansing water squirters going then the urinal will quickly overflow. So you have to play a game like I just have, of keeping the flow low enough to ensure the pot doesn't overflow, yet ensuring that no trouser spoilage occurs. I'm getting quite professional now, I wonder if there is a championship I could enter.

I find that watching the cricket relaxes me, excites me and makes me feel very happy.