Warning dungeoneer, longblog goblins approaching!

It was Marie’s birthday weekend, so we’ve had adventures.
On Saturday night, Marie had a cocktail party. Originally we were all going to dress up poncey like, but in the end we were all slumped around the house in normal clothes, except Marie who was wearing a big fancy gown she’d bought on a whim months ago.
Due to the fact that I was under investigation for a kidney infection, I decided not to drink alcohol, instead I drank about 4 litres of water and spent most of the night going back and forth to the toilet. I’m not a big fan of being sober around really drunk people, combining this with the fact that I’ve had a shit couple of weeks and was really tired meant that I don’t think I was the best company in the world. Still, there were plenty of ultra-fucking-pissed partygoers to ensure that the evening passed in a light-hearted manner.
Some of the cocktails made were amazing things to look at, I have since discovered that they taste quite nice as well. We had stacks of booze in the house, looking at the recycle bin and the rather empty booze cupboard now, indicates that it won’t take Miss Marple to determine why certain people found standing, consciousness and talking rather difficult things to achieve in the early hours of Sunday morning.
I made the now traditional chilli, I made a huge vat of hot stuff and a smaller “friendly” pot with less chillis in it. Oddly I got more complaints about the kick in the friendlier batch so I’m guessing something went amiss. I still have tonnes left, I’m guessing it isn’t as popular with my friends as it is with me. And Paul. I’m going to have to start sending Paul envelopes of the stuff in the post.
We bought a game wandering around Preston on the Saturday, we were gonna get Pictionary but I remembered the game Balderdash being quite fun when I was a youngster, so we got that.
Jesus, we started playing it at about 11pm, I think we finished at about 3am. I don’t think it’s meant to be played by eleven people, most of whom can’t read anymore due to drink . It was funny though, our friends show an unhealthy obsession with apes, rape, robots and bum-love. It made me cry.
I think everybody had fun, I’m glad nearly everybody turned up and Marie got some quality presents. She has so much gin now, Karl and Nick T both bought her a litre of the stuff. Should last her till next week….well the weekend….maybe. Ho and indeed ho!
On Sunday we went to the lakes. Marie had heard of a guesthouse near Bowness off the intranet where she works, it seemed quite good value so as a birthday treat, I took her there for three nights. After tidying up and saying ta-ra to our visitors, it meant that we didn’t get there till quite late on. It was quite easy to find and the guesthouse was very nice. It was essentially a big house but with four rooms which Vince & Shirley used for guests. Due to an ‘economy fish finger’ upbringing, I have an urge for intemperance so we got the best room available. It had a big four poster bed, a view of the marina and a chimney sweep*.
Marie was really chatty with them over our stay, as she usually is. I hardly said a word, also nothing unusual. I think they may have got the idea that I was a mute or a little slow, and that Marie was my carer.
We wandered into Bowness on Sunday evening for Tapas, and I also got to glare enviously at Marie for drinking the booze. It was really nice walking back, without the light pollution you get in urban areas the sky was chock-a-block with stars. If I’d have thought for a minute that she’d believe me I’d have spent the walk making names up for the constellations.
‘That one there is the great weasel, over yonder is a star called Terry. Named after Terry Nutkins. Fascinating.’
We then had time for a drive into Kendal to see The Last Samurai. I wasn’t really looking forward to it, I had this fear of an oriental version of Dances with Wolves. But, do you know what? It was great. Some of the fight scenes were really exciting and even though it was way over two hours long, it didn’t feel like it. I want a sword now.
Fighting our natural laziness we went for a walk on Monday morning. The guide book I had said it was an hour there and back to some hill over Bowness. It seems that the book must have been written for Paula Radcliffe as it took us about 4 times that. It was really nice though, it wasn’t steep and we got to walk past chickens, sheepsies and various little streams. The view was gorgeous, we got to look down on Windermere from far above, with the snow topped hills behind it. I only fell over once as well, I don’t think anybody bar Marie and a chicken saw it though so I think I got away with some dignity intact.
We went into Ambleside later on, to a place called Zefferellis which was recommended by my sister-in-law. It’s a vegetarian restaurant, which is also linked to the cinema in Ambleside. We had two courses of fucking sublime veggie food and then got reserved tickets to go and see The Return Of The King for the second time. We had the best seats in the small cinema and it was great. I didn’t get a numb arse or the shakes like I did when I saw it in Preston. I really enjoyed it again, as a sheer spectacle it really excites me. For nearly four hours I can switch off, forget about everything and just watch something really entertaining. I liked Monday, bestest Monday ever.
On Tuesday we went to the aquarium as it was bit rainy. Marie liked the otters, I bonded with my fish brothers. It was a bit dear but really cool.
We then checked out Ambleside again, and also Keswick. Both are really nice, where things seem to happen really slowly. The one consistent thing in the lakes though is that each village or town seems to have a couple of shops selling alcohol. I guess that people in remote communities require a lot of booze for those quiet winter evenings. I’m jealous.

Stop! Doctor time.

Even though I’d pushed it to the back of my mind I occasionally found my thoughts wandering back to the doctors. Even though he’d said to wait a week for the results of my wee test, I tried on Tuesday as I was getting impatient with the waiting. They had the results, apparently my second sample was clear, the first one was obviously contaminated. Hooray! Phew.
It turns out that the results had actually been available on Friday. If I’d phoned up then, I’d have been able to get pissed on Saturday. Bollocks!
I had my first alcoholic drinks for about a month on the Tuesday night. So lovely. Hee, Marie last night made me some of the cocktails I’d missed out on the weekend before.

We had to go back on Wednesday, yet still found time to spend a few hours walking around Grasmere lake and investigating the village. The weather was gorgeous and matched the view. Even though it was February, it was almost too warm to wear a coat.

Back at work now, bah.
I did have this morning off though, I took Marie to a job interview in Poulton. I spent an enjoyable hour wandering around the place, I sat and had a cup of tea in a café whilst starting at the penguin shaped fridge in the shop opposite. Penguin shaped fridge!
What else has happened?
I got my car back, that was sadly expensive. It’s meant a big outlay month for me, I sort of thought it’d be a quiet month after Christmas.

* a lie(i).

(i) an untruth