I Am A Murderer

I have killed. I have these blights on my soul, things that give me nightmares and never let me rest. I don’t know if confessing will help but I’m hoping they will. I need to sleep at night. These aren’t my only crimes but they are the ones that claw at me in the night, dragging me deeper into my own personal hell. Please forgive me.

1. I used to play Rollercoaster Tycoon. One Sunday I made this ride that had people going round a big water slide in little dinghies. Anyway, I opened the ride and clicked on my first customer. It brought up a little box which contained his smiley face and some of his recent thoughts (he was having a great day; he’d just been on the dodgems and eaten an ice cream). I watched as he was winched up to the top of the initial drop, something which would power his journey round the twisty route of the ride.
But something went wrong. I hadn’t tested the ride properly and when that little guy reached the bottom of the drop he was going so fast that he overshot the turn and landed in the trees 50ft below. His little smiling face vanished. He was dead.
I received notice of his death and a fine. It hit the park hard and we lost some customers. But that didn’t affect me as much as the death I’d caused of this innocent. This man had been out on a great day and his life had been snuffed out in an instant. It was my fault. I still see his smiling face in my dreams at night.
I played Theme Morgue later on and had the unenviable task of having to witness this man’s wife and child identify him. It was a horrible thing to go through but I had to do it. The very least I could do was make sure that the identification of his body went as smoothly as possible.
I still occasionally send his wife cash in the post. Anonymous of course and I know I’ll never pay off the guilt. I just need to try.

2. When I was about 13/14 my friend Jay and I would play Bloodbowl. Is that one word or two? Anyway, we’d occasionally let his younger brother play. He was very excited and created his own team, with a star guy and everything. He loved that star man, working out a back-story for him and drawing pictures of his hero.
In his first game I killed him.
I went out of my way to kill him, relentlessly pounding him into the ground until he died. Jay then told his brother that we’d ripped the corpse apart, until his brother burst out crying and left the room.
We laughed like the monsters we were. Served him right though for constantly grassing us up.

3. I stole a bus in San Andreas. The passengers screamed as I drove around smashing into things. Their screams annoyed me. I drove it into a dock to stop their noise. They drowned. I escaped.
I killed many on the streets of San Andreas, often repeatedly booting the bodies long after the life had drained out of them.

4. I once pretended that Maurice Gibb was dead. He died. I’m sorry Maurice.

There are more but I can’t go on right now. It’s just too much.